Baby and us. 
I hope you mama’s out there had a fantastic mother’s day! I have a whole post reserved for my first mama-to-be day, but I’m saving it for later as this is a little more important at the moment…
This will most likely be one of the hardest posts I’ll ever have to write and I know this because it’s already been an hour and I’ve managed to already enter a vicious cycle of typing, only to press the backspace button repeatedly. I’ve never found myself very good with the words, but writing this is necessary.
When we found out the gender of our baby, we had a follow-up appointment a few days later. We were then told that the ultrasound measurments showed a small amount of fluid around his heart (the technical term being Pericardial Effusion) and that my pregnancy would now be flagged as high risk and we will need to be seen off base for a level 2 ultrasound. I remember sitting in the room trying to hold myself together as my OB said “It’s probably nothing, but for something like this it’s better to get sent off base where there is better equipment to see a more detailed ultrasound of the baby and doctors with more experience.”
That was in March.
We’ve been going to those appointments and getting monthly level 2 ultrasounds along with my regular appointments with my OB’s on base. But this last appointment brought us some hard news to swallow and we are now finding ourselves desparate for support and to be covered in prayers by our friends and family. We found out that our son has IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) and is also at risk for Down’s Syndrome. For those of you that don’t know what IUGR is, to sum it up it’s basically when the baby is smaller than expected and their weight is below the 10th percentile for their gestational age. We were told that below 10th percentile is when they can be diagnosed with IUGR, and the 5th percentile and below is grounds for severe IUGR. Our boy is in the 7th percentile, hovering just in the middle. There are a number of reasons why a baby can have IUGR. It can be because of an issue with the placenta not growing properly preventing enough oxygen flow to the baby, chromosomal abnormalities (like DS), or sometimes a small person can just have a small baby.
In our case, it looks like the first two, and more than likely the third. We were told that there are a few markers in the ultrasound showing that he may have DS, and that my placenta isn’t giving him enough oxygen than he needs. The fluid around his heart is still present as well, even increasing a small amount since the first 19 week ultrasound measurment when they detected it. We were offered the amnio test a second time, which we declined again. I’m sure the doctor noticed the look of horror on my face as he quickly tried assuring that odds are, the baby does not have DS. He also made it a point to let us know that his concern isn’t as focused on the baby having DS or even the heart fluid anymore, but that I can carry our baby longer and we will not need to induce labor due to him not recieving enough oxygen.
I am now 28 weeks along, and the doctor expressed hope that I make it to 32 weeks without needing to deliver and hopefully seeing some progress from that point on. Full term would of course be ideal, but as his oxygen flow is the most important issue now, he may very well be born prematurely. He also informed me that we need to walk in to our now weekly ultrasound appointments being prepared to deliver just a few hours later, if needed. It all boils down to his oxygen, or lack thereof.
I guess now is the time I express my feelings.
I’m scared. Jimmy is scared. We found out everything less than a week ago and it’s been hard for me to go a day without shedding tears and feeling emotionally and physically drained, or the urge to just sleep my fears and worries away. Jimmy is in somewhat of a numb state, and struggling with anger towards the situation. Of course raising a child with DS would be challenging, but as of now all we want is to carry this baby longer. I’ve found myself clinging to my blanket every night asking God to just let me carry him…just a little bit longer. It’s terrifying to know that each week we will be walking in to our appointments and could get told at any moment that we need to deliver a tiny little boy that will more than likely weigh 2 pounds or less within hours.
And I just want to be real with this. I know that God doesn’t give us what we can’t handle, and if we were blessed enough to be given a DS baby, it would be because He knows that we would be capable, special parents who are fit to care for such an amazing little boy. But I’m still scared. I’m scared that I’ll deliver a preemie who will live in the NICU for months and we won’t be able to take him home. I’m scared that our precious baby boy won’t be able to breathe and we can lose him at any moment, whether it’s in the womb or as a stillborn. As a young, healthy (albeit petite) 25 year old I just assumed I’d have a smooth pregnancy and a healthy baby. I assumed that only women a certain age and beyond had babies with DS. I just assumed and wrote so many things off because hey, I’m young and in my prime. I may have been naive to think so, but now more than ever do Jimmy, I, and baby boy need your prayers.
At this point Jimmy and I attempting to transition from fear, sadness, and bitterness to acceptance, trust and thankfulness that God gave us this sweet boy that we are madly in love with already. It’s not safe for me to be constantly worrying as it’s not good to put stress on the baby. From this point on begins an attempt to constant prayer, cherishing the kicks of our still very active (and sometimes feisty) little boy, and enjoying however much time we have left until we get to meet him. Please keep our family in your prayers…not only for our baby boy’s health, but for our hearts to mend as his parents and to trust in our Lord whatever the outcome. It would mean the world to us.
We will be updating the blog and Facebook as often as we can to keep everyone in the loop. Thanks dear friends and family, for taking the time to read through this and allowing me to share a bit of my heart!
Oh sweet girl – I admire your strength, honesty and above all your faith. You will be prayers oozing out from Colorado to your lovely home. Thank you for sharing your story, and I’ll be anxiously checking your posts in hope of new news.
God bless – my thoughts, prayers and wishes are with you.
Holding your family in my every prayer and trusting that you are all covered by a grace that will supply EVERY need!!! God knit this precious life and that makes him PERFECT! Daddy God’s Hand will NOT leave you sweet sister! REST in the promise that you are all loved by The Creator and He feels every hurt, concern and joy of your hearts, and tends to each one!
Sweet Hammers –
No words can express our love for the 3 of you, really…. We just LOVE you guys!
Know we are committed to pray for you as you find your way through this confusion and emotional unrest.
Know that there is a family here who is fighting along side you to see a miracle of healing on your behalf.
Know we are purposefully interceding to see the hand of our Father orchestrate something big and amazing for you to hold onto in this time.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 says, ‘Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.’ BUT we DO know that ‘The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’(Deuteronomy 31:8)
Dear friends, we pray peace, clarity, rest, comfort, hope, life, strength, joy, and love to flow through you and melt away fear, doubt, unbelief, discouragement and bitterness.
LOVE YOU!!! Ange and Luke
Prayers are being sent your way, you’re always in my thoughts. I know this time is trying but you and Jimmy are going to make it through this and be so much stronger as a couple and as parents. God is good and he has amazing plans for the two of you, always remember that! Lots of love from the Liebigs! <3
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. God bless
Oh Jen! I have so enjoyed watching your FB posts as your sweet belly grew, but when I read this post, it left me in tears. I too am pregnant, only a few weeks behind you, and I too know of the fears of a high risk pregnancy. It can be very scary.
I pray that you can find trust in God and know that your little boy is being fearfully and wonderfully made into the image of God. As a mother, you have the Holy Spirit inside of you, carefully weaving your son. Take trust in that. I will uplift you and your hubby in my prayers and remember you as I pray for all my prego friends.
I’ll be sending plenty of good thoughts and prayers your way! I can only imagine what you are going through, and I admire your strength and your faith. Love you! KEEP PRAYING AND THINK POSITIVELY!
Praying for you & your family!!!
Xoxo, leigh
Aww! Sweetie, everything will be alright. God will get you through this which ever was it turns out. I remember thinking the same thing as you and then we ran into so many problems. I was even hospitalized during my pregnancy. But like I said before my son was at the 10th percentile, they wanted to induce me that day since I was already 38 weeks and he should have been bigger. But he came out completely healthy. I pray the same for you. Keep your head up and I will have my church pray for you as well.
I’m praying for you guys. I know God’s going to work a miracle in your life through this. He’s got his arms around you tight and he’s not letting go.
Jenn .. Keep your head held high and every night
My prayers will go out to you and your family, I’m sure
He will stay in and be healthy when he comes out
Love you
My family will definitely lift you three up in prayer, because pregnancy is scary for everyone, especially when you’re told something like this. I’ll pray for strength for you guys and that your sweet boy will be able to grow and grow.
Thinking of you & the little fam Jen xxx
Hi Jen, Jimmy and wee Hammer boy,
I’m praying hard for all of you. God’s got you. I saw a picture of Him with you. Your little boy knows Him intimately too.
Love you guys,
Jenn Perry
Doctors are brillant but God is in control. When my daughter was born doctors (private and military) told us that she would not live beyond 10 yrs old because of a heart abnormality. She is now 36 yrs old with 5 healthy and active kids (the last one being twins carried to full term). So remember whatever the doctors say is human knowledge but GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!! PRAISE HIM FOR THAT!!!!
I am so so sorry and I hope that your baby boy will be as happy and stable as possible
I keep you in my prayers, wishing you strength and faith 
Best wishes
I am praying for all three of you. xx
Sending good thoughts to your family.
I am also sending the best of thoughts to your family! I hope you will stay strong and loving in front of the challenge you have ahead of you! Everything will be all right!
Thinking of your & your family, and wishing you strength and love. <3
My thoughts and prayers are with your family!
I’ll keep your little family in my prayers. I can relate to having a preemie (my son was born at 23 weeks weighing 1 lb and spent 4 1/2 months in the NICU). Everyday was scary for us, but he is doing amazing now. There are so many advances in technology that make the NICU such an amazing place for a preemie to be. In our experience, the nursing were amazing and caring, the doctors were great and even though I couldn’t take him home, my daily time spent in his room looking at him or reading to him or just sitting there were special to me.
I know the situation is a lot different, but there’s a woman who blogs here http://colemansinlove.blogspot.com/ that just had a baby with a genetic disorder. She and her husband are also very young and she talks about her faith in God and how it helps her.
Thinking of all of you and sending our best thoughts and wishes.
thinking of you!
I am praying for you. We all are.
A big hug for you.
The best thing to prevent stctreh marks is to keep your skin hydrated. Use a really good lotion every day to help prevent deep marks. It won’t make them stop, but it’ll help them not be so dark. Also, you may want to purchase something like mederma if you already have stctreh marks, because it lightens scars. I’ve used it on burns and stctreh marks and it definitely makes them look alot better! +12Was this answer helpful?
my love, my prayers and good wishes are going out to you, baby hams, and jimmy. whatever the outcome, i know that you two are strong, and that your love is strong enough to conquer anything! god gave you to each other for a reason. you will all pull through. i am sure of it.
but i know you so well! and you’re right, you need to not stress. and i know stressing and over analyzing is you! but right now, although it seems difficult, try not to. be calm for him. i love you and i will text you tomorrow!
<3
I had no idea Jen…I am praying for your sweet boy, and you and Jimmy! I know that you can handle anything that comes your way! And know that God has this all under control, so there is no point in stressing (although I TOTALLY would be too). Love you tons, please let me know if there is anything I can do at all!
Sweet Jen and Hammer Family,
I have been following your blog and all your sweet photos sense you moved out to Moose town and was shocked and very surprised when I came across the above post! I wish more than anything this time in your life could only be pure bliss, joy, laughter, and peace as it should be. Although, your words and already strong courage, honesty, and faith already assures me that whatever curve ball is thrown your way will handled with only the outmost love and trust you have in our heavenly father. I am sure that this waiting period is hard and probably feels like has only been a stressful and tearful time in your lives. I do believe that God does give only his strongest of believer’s obstacles/challenges in their life so that you can come through them with a better understanding of what unconditional love is. And now for that sweet baby in your belly…how lucky he is to have you and your husband as parents. As scary and I am sure frustrating as it might be remember that God choose you and Jimmy to be your baby’s Mom and Dad and nobody else. Please know that I and my husband will be Hammer Family Prayer Warriors from this day on. I will spread your family’s story with many more so that they too can become prayer warriors.
Much love and many many sweet blessing to you, your hubby, and sweet sweet baby boy!
Carly
Jen,
We haven’t talked in quite some time, but I am praying for you and your family!! When my mom was pregnant with me, they told her I had a risk of having DS. She had also miscarried twice before, so she had to be in bed rest during her entire pregnancy to ensure that she could carry me full term. I believe in miracles and I really wish that your baby boy is a testimony of that.
Dear Jen,
I haven’t had the privilege of meeting you yet, but I have known the Hammer family since before Jimmy was born. I have been in your shoes more then once and I know how difficult it is. I just want to remind you that God loves you, and He loves your baby even more then you do (I know that is hard to believe). Your lives are in Gods hands, he want’s what is best for you and for your baby. Doctors are well meaning and most of them try their best but they are men and only God knows exactly what is going on with your sweet baby boy. No matter what happens God will work his will through your circumstance.
Remember Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love God, and are called according to His purpose.
Stop worrying and remember that the God who created the universe is in control. If you feel your self starting to worry about it, ask God to take that worry away and just praise Him. I pray that God will pour out His love and peace upon you and that the Holy Sprit will comfort you. We will continue to pray for you and little baby Hammer. Please keep us informed of your progress.
Norene
I’m very sorry to hear about this. I wish you and your family lots and lots of luck. I’m sending my love your way, keep your chin up.
Wow, that is a lot. Let me first say, that you are an amazing woman. To read the words that you wrote, is a blessing. Most people would not be able to deal with a situation like this, let alone have such an amazing attitude and outlook. I am so glad to read that your faith in God is helping to bring you through this, it gives me inspiration to deal with the struggles that my family faces with trust that God would not give us more than we could handle. I will be keeping you guys in my prayers. Lots of love – Amber.
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